Are You Excited to Move Home?

We have been asked this question a lot over the past few weeks.  I knew Jake's answer before it left his mouth (along with the look he would shoot me while he was waiting for my answer) but my answer has surprised me.  Most of the time I say I'm excited, because I am.  But . . . if I'm completely honest, (and let's face it - I don't sugarcoat well so I tend to err on the side of too honest), I'm sad to leave and scared we won't live here again.  We both really like it here.  We like it so much more than we thought we would and it has really become our home.

Side note: I have been saying "moving back home" but Jake says "moving back to Olathe." He doesn't like saying that we are "moving back home" because it makes it feel like Stockholm isn't our home and it really has become our home over the last two years.  I've started saying Olathe sometimes too.  Our home is definitely in Olathe but we also have one here.

Moving back to Olathe is so much harder than I thought it would be.  Moving to Stockholm was temporary.  It was unknown and scary and adventurous and so out of my comfort zone but I knew it was temporary so surely I could survive.  You would think moving back to our house and our families and our friends wouldn't be scary but it is.  It feels so permanent.  Apparently I've changed in the last two years because this permanence thing isn't sitting so well with me.  What if we never live in Stockholm again?  Or anywhere else in Europe for that matter?  I'm not sure I'd be okay with either of those.  I know. Had you told me I'd feel this way 2 years ago I would have told you you were insane and needed some help.

I'm also scared that we will move back to Olathe and I'll get comfortable and I won't want to leave again.  I know Jake will be up for it but what if I'm too scared?   I'm afraid I'll forget how awesome it is to experience a new culture.  Seeing how different cultures live is so neat.  I'm afraid I'll forget how much closer Jake and I became throughout this adventure.  What if I don't remember that it is fun to make new friends even though I already have friends back home?  

Maybe I still don't like change so moving back to Olathe is still hard even though it is familiar.  I've never been a mom in Olathe.  I don't know what that will look like.  I know what it looks like here and I REALLY like it.  What if I am too scared to go out and make new mom friends to hang out with during the day so instead I sit at home alone all day?  What if I don't like driving Linnea around and instead I miss walking everywhere with her in the stroller?  (One of the first things I was worried about when we moved to Stockholm was that I would miss driving.  I'm very excited to drive when I get back but now I'm going to miss walking everywhere.  I realize I sound ridiculous.  Maybe you should start praying for Jake now because these last few weeks in Stockholm might be a doozy!)

Could we have stayed here longer?  Yep, but I really do think it is time to go back to Olathe.  I don't want my family and friends to miss seeing Linnea and I don't want her to miss seeing them.  I want to see my nieces and nephew play sports and go to their dance recitals.  I want to go to my parents house for the weekend and not be rushing off for lunches and dinners with as many people as we can cram in to one weekend.  I want to live life with my family and friends again.

It is hard leaving when the friends we have here are sad to see us go and are encouraging us to stay.  But I know we have lots of friends and family back in Kansas that really want us to move back and would be really sad if we didn't.  They just aren't here to tell us that :).

Am I excited to introduce Linnea to all of our friends and family?  You bet!  I am excited to drive my car and mow our yard and even work on some house projects.  Watching football games in Manhattan is at the top of my list of things I can't wait to do as well as eating lots of Mi Ranchito and other Mexican food!  I can't wait to hang out with friends and family throughout the whole year instead of cramming it in to a two week time slot. (I am worried that we will so easily slip back into our old routines and not make it a point to hang out with friends as much as I hope we do.  We are going to make a really good effort to reconnect with people and hang out with them since that is a big reason why we are moving back.)  I am excited about so many things but I am sad to see this chapter come to a close.  It was such a good one.  So many adventures and unexpected blessings.  I am so thankful we said yes to moving here. 

I'm going to try hard during our last 16 days here to embrace the time we have left in Stockholm and try to remember all the awesome things we've been able to experience.  I'll be drinking caramel lattes from Espresso House, going on walks by the water, eating cinnamon rolls, riding the metro and hanging out with friends as much as possible.  Instead of being sad that it is over I'm just thankful that it happened.  Thanks for going on this wild ride right along with us!